I want to die slowly and gradually in my bed like my dad- warm and comfy, 

I want to die smiling so shiny and bright like my dad- elegantly he looked upon death- so daring, so dashing!

I want to die in the arms of my loved ones-

Some of them will see me from distance-

I can’t hold them- It’s so frightening, 

I want to die like my dad after he has accomplished everything, 

A family of four kids, a pile of files and a diary filled with words left behind,

I want to die like my father- calm but glorious, 

But, I know I can’t, 

Some of his deeds remained incomplete, 

Some of his children were still playing in the field-

Some of his words still left unspoken-

Some of his wishes left unfulfilled –

I want to die like him in a comfy bed knowing I hid a cancer in my cells, in my bones and in my breath- the same way he knew but chose to die,

Never chasing life-

I want to die like my father-

Break free from all ties knowingly and consciously – he chose death over the upcoming joys,

I know I can’t die like him-

Not atleast in my comfy bed, in my own home, surrounded with kids and an ambiguous wife,

Cause, I would never build a home like him so fragile! 

©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy 

Time Frame: 12.50 pm,midnight, MIST, Mirpur Cantonment.