How will you teach me joy and light thinking, Adrian, when you know someone rejoices in sufferings?!
When you know you are here to suffer eternally!
And, there is no escape from your miseries.
When you know there are no meaning,
No significance,
No hope until we attach meaning and significance to it.
There is no explanation until we justify it.
We simply exist.
To make existence simple we create meanings.
We try to understand why do we suffer,
Then, we attach reasons to it.
Otherwise, there is actually no reasons,
Again, no meanings.
You and I are just a continual of pattern,
Of a destiny lived by our ancestors.
We are as primal as they were!
Their existence has shown us a cause,
A path to walk on.
Their beliefs and rituals has covered up our lives, taught us to reason.
There is simply no hope.
We are here to fulfill our destiny prescribed by some other.
We exist hence we reason.
We justify our existential crisis by our actions.
We relate because individually we are hollow and miniscule.
We cannot make ourselves bigger if we do not establish our reasons with others.
Now, tell me, Adrian,
Do you want to have temporal fun?!
When you know after I leave, there will be no reasons.
And, more reasons to justify your ill doing, uncontrolled desires.
How can you lead me to a path that I know is not of permanence?!
Perhaps, that will cause a permanent damage,
A neverending melancholy!
I already know life is a long journey of sufferings.
Here, both you and I want to dismiss our grief.
The grief that we couldn’t belong, and,
Nobody belonged to us.
The grief that we don’t exist in other’s shattered world.
How can we?!
When their own world doesn’t belong to them!
Place, people, and things,
Even identities are so relative.
So, temporal!
Ever shifting!
But, however, only grief remains!
The grief of departure!
Grief of detachment and depletion!
Grief of denial!
Perhaps, grief of knowing and feeling too much!
You are not suffering as much as me.
Because, you do not understand the depth of suffering as I do.
I have swam in the lake of no return.
My existence is created throughout and within the existential crisis.
I belong to suffering.
Perhaps, I deserve it.
Because, I know too much.
I over understand and over sense everything.
My curse!
It’s up to me to live upon the curse! And,
Not to share my existential destiny with anyone!
©® Farheen Akter Bhuian Nancy
Timeframe: 10.20 am, Tagar
Image from the page ‘Smart Witch’.