Who told you that I want to live my own life and leave you?
Who told you that I want to separate myself in the blink of an eye
and go to opposite bays surrounded by solitude?
I always wanted to build a home with you.
But you never meant to be!
You couldn’t be my home.
You couldn’t ensure my safety and sanity!
My home became a jail with you.
My mind became a slave.
My life is entangled with your melodramas.
My reliance became pawned.
I had to lose you to find me.
I had to leave you in search of myself!
I wish you could think of being a part of mine.
But, no, you wanted to assimilate and
dissolve me into your impurities.
Forgetting that I am ever divine,
Not made for shiny pearls so clandestine.
But I could become your tangy clementine.
Sour but sweet,
You sucked all the goodness inside of me.
Whatever’s left, I don’t want to share it anymore.
Every time I share my kindness with anyone,
I get betrayed.
Every time I try to linger on, I get swayed away!
Every time I think of an ‘us,’ it ends up becoming ‘only me.’
Every time I think of a ‘team,’ it always grows to be a ‘one-man army’,
Alas! Some people are better alone.
A lonely rider,
Some are singular and particularistic,
Not many can keep up the pace with them.
Sometimes, it’s better to shred armor alone!
©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy
July 2023, University of Dhaka