21. What is life?
A journey of integration to annihilation is life,
Withdrawing from old roles identifying with the new ones,
We integrate ourselves with the hustles of it.
Thus, integration till the last breath
In search of the final destination is our ultimate destiny
that we have to fight for and find.
22.Iceberg
A tip of the iceberg is seen,
The largest part of it is hidden
and buried.
Underneath the deep blue ocean and seas.
Sea-horses sometimes spike their horns,
Blissful colors are their unseen keys-
For roaming around,
For life and laughter-
They copulate beneath the sea surface.
But, an iceberg?
What it do?!
Remains stiff underneath for centuries,
Prevails as usual- like a rock solid,
Sometimes the heads are seen,
We see them floating,
Here and there- we think they are free.
But, deep in the blue sea,
They are tied,
Trapped in the surface-
They become prisoners for a lifetime.
23.Virgin birth
A self-created entity,
Having been brought up in a vacuum,
Will eventually self-destruct in the same way as a stressed octopus will.
24. The game of appearance
We can’t be over-
A part of your soul is attached to mine,
We can’t let this over-
Your clinginess to my energy is the reflection
of your dire need to control me without even
fathoming the thought of understanding me-
And, here I am, standing behind, thinking of the torturous endings,
Sometimes we were just meant to
become a lesson to each other.
You have become such a coach and master,
Who has taught me never to put down guard and
never to be off security,
You have been a great player for this time.
It’s my fault that I can’t admit I am a failure,
Because I never attach to fail the connection,
Still struggling to bind everything this far,
I’ve been set into a multistage fire.
It’s all about how we feel about ourselves and how we want to appear,
The game of appearance builds our neat image through filtering out the faulty one.
25. Sacrifice
You and I are intertwined in a spiral of toxic relationship-
Where all of our love has been transformed into hollowed needs!
The need for social validation binds us, though the spark is lost,
We are in dire need of searching ourselves in the first place-
You seem lost to me,
And, in your eyes, I can see a brim of insecurities,
Sometimes I feel at the top of the world-
In love and burning hopes,
And sometimes my world is turned upside down,
Because you are a sin,
Like a holy sin,
You seem to be enjoyable only at the first shots of drinks
and then like a drained and dizzy head,
You make me look frenetic in the ugliest fights,
Your and mine relationship is the toxic one-
We are a catastrophe –
You need me for your insecure validations, and I need you for my emasculation.
And, we hung in this deadly circulation-
In this life and after that,
Union of lifetime is nothing but a survival technique.
Just to survive, we bribe our souls a partner-
Perfect or imperfect,
Anyhow, we are accustomed to living.
Maybe, you are my repentance –
I am repenting for the sins I’ve never committed,
But, like a devil curse, you are strung into my throat,
And I can’t remove it!
Perhaps my lack of confidence in love and friendships,
and relationships have made me go through all of these,
A scapegoat in a situation is always prepared to sacrifice.
In the holy or unholy realm of doom and rise,
I’ve sacrificed myself in a mere play of hope and despair.
26.Trial
My heart is divided into two-
In them, a part is taken with you.
I slitted the leftover with my own hands-
Then, split my soul into two.
Voices of ‘God’ and ‘Anti-God’ are heard
from the fragmented soul,
Divergences in the fragmented self depict
uncertain life, well ,the heart can feel the uncertainties alone.
It doesn’t need a part to burden it more.
Uncertainty about life and death,
Uncertainty about God and Anti-God,
Uncertainty about self and others,
We waive a life full of misfortunes only to survive,
Survival of what?!
To leave our marks on the universe so broad,
We merge with nature at the end-
We become nature itself!
We were detached from nature at the genesis,
We are reunited with it after our trial of survival in the spectrum.
Life and death revolves one after another like a flipping coin,
We are born many, many times in this lifetime.
I lost you and then
I lost all the ability to connect with people,
Fear of attachments and fear of losing connections haunts me-
I’ve become a ‘black hole’,
Bold and tired-
By enduring all the negatives I had to face.
Determined but lost-
Lost in the wonders of the mysterious
workings of God.
Rise and fall and Rise,
I am tired of playing this game,
But I forgot in this existential fight,
I had to take a flight,
Losing you compelled me to become a gem,
Becoming rock solid and then evaporate,
I can not help but detain-
I can not help myself from travelling down memory lane-
The alleys of hope where we prevailed.
I still remember the space where you and I would talk for hours.
My breath is stuck there.
I miss you so much,
With you, I lost my talking space,
I lost the person whom I trusted the most,
I lost a world with you.
We used to talk about the universe,
We would talk about the patterns and systems,
We would search for God’s work in the particles and molecules,
Oh, God, how can you be so unfair to me?!
How can you snatch the only dearest thing from me?!
With what remedy do I console my heart?!
With what concoction will I fill the black hole
created in the core of my mind?!
It’s detaching me from everything and everyone,
But, I always wanted to attach-
The black hole created in my heart and mind
is consuming the light,
With a burden on my soul-
I see nothing but an endless darkness of night.
I’ve become a big dark black hole,
You were my universe, and without you,
I’ve been left out like a black hole engulfing all the light.
29.Us
In winds and cataclysms,
In storms and droughts,
In wisdom and emotional upheavals,
We take care of each other,
We stand strong, we remain united together,
We built trust and enthusiasm in all matters!
Here, we are like a blooming flower-
Even after a shed of rains and tears!
30.When you’ve lost all hope in Love
If somebody has lost all hopes from love, instead of passion,
lust, desire, and adherence takes place of love,
Then, you have to understand that the person once loved someone so dearly
and so truthfully that now they think love is gone or love is wrong in the first place,
they lose all trust in love when that particular person hurts them,
They fear to love; they don’t intend to be this vulnerable with anyone.
Those people who once showed such weakness or
valued love so much they don’t fall now,
They rise, rise above love, anger, hatred, jealousy,
and other emotions, sometimes they know how to kill their passion
and subdue their desires for others.
Once, they know that even love is also a process, an operational trade,
That has to be reciprocated evenly, and no one will understand them without a cost.
They lose love interest, instead they focus on forming partnerships, accomplices,
and alliances, not love bondages.
This time, they are free, they can think clearly,
and they know what their needs and dispositions are.
Now, they know it is they who actually value love and look for the same thing in others,
it’s their need to be loved, and now love means to them is acceptance, acceptance of their wholeness- the way they are, the way they would like to be in the future.
31.Grave
The girl walked through her grave and shone so bright,
Even the graveyard lightened up, and the dead ones smiled.
The girl was so adamant in her beliefs and so firm.
in her ideals, that the Grim Reaper even stumbled,
He could not take her life.
Her spirit of kindness soars to such heights that
Even the sky falls short of her appearance.
She took shelter in the stars,
She moved through her ailments,
Gone through the slippery path of rage-
Bravely, she fought with the demons inside.
Crossed the inferno outside,
Still, she smiled,
Hiding her tears, she laughed in a gigantic manner-
She giggled for; it should be her show on the stage-
She will be the showstopper and the scriptwriter,
The stars and moons were on her side-
The constellations told her to stay a bit longer-
As for them, they were designing her fate.
You can not forget anything-
That’s an innate problem,
You can not forget any sweet memories
Nor can you forget toxic ones-
You can’t forget any of them!
You can’t even forget the physical memory –
The touches and smooches and kisses and the cuddles- you can’t forget!
You can’t forget what you listen to and what you see,
It resonates!
You can’t forget the wounds you get-
You don’t forget the pain in the injury-
The ‘Body’ reminds us of everything.
The ‘Eyes’ can’t assimilate its lids,
The ‘Ears’ are desperate to listen to the voices
what it has always longed to hear,
Memoirs of pain always remain-
In the core of hthe eart- hurting you in silence.
Angels and demons reside on the same planet,
How angelic and demonic you’ll become depends
on the other person who treats you the same!
Angelic or demonic, accept me as
I’ve accepted you with all your good and bad, with all the flaws,
I’ve loved you,
Angelic or demonic, I’ve come across all the way!
Love and aggression run side by side,
Passion of ignition fumes the sight,
Love subdues the pitch of aggression
while aggression deems the light of love,
In the anarchical love, we find,
Love and aggression are two brothers and sisters
who bond together at the same time.
34.Unhealed
You were an unhealed lion,
I healed you in all possible ways,
Now in the process of healing you-
I am wounded, deeply hurt, and injured in love,
Can you heal me, pardon?!
If not, then I became like you while healing you-
Unhealed and resentful.
I healed you with my love and affection-
But, you remain aloof from this connection-
So illiterate in love you are!
I don’t see any resolution in you!
The only change I see in you is becoming more
tolerant and hopeful,
Got you out of distress and disdain,
but you made me fall into the pits of despair.
Heal me now,
I am begging for a magical herb that treated you.
You know what that is?!
Unconditional love that I gave you!
I loved you unconditionally, but who knew you didn’t?
Unconditional was my love, now it is conditioned,
How can you expect me to love seemingly without
conditions when your own love for me has always been conditional?
35. Furniture
Stars should not fall on land, as
humans can crash them
and make furniture with them, too!
Eros and Thanatos constantly remain in a fight!
Who wins in the game- nobody knows till death!
Nobody can know till the end!
But, how can love coexist so well with the reality principle?!
Because it originates from another realism,
that no human can live without it, and it’s a pleasure!
But who says love is always a pleasure?!
It’s a short-term incubation! And, long-term suffocation!
But why do you stay in love?!
Because you have no other options!
You are habituated to love and love more like infinity!
You love for best or worst, but the cycle of love never stops,
whether you stay in or out of love, it’s gonna create a hole in your heart,
whether you extinct from this world,
It’s irrelevant; love never fades away, and
there is no extinction of love in any period.
It reappears in many, many forms in the way of life as usual!
Eros and thanatos is constantly fighting!
Who wins in the game- nobody knows!
Nobody can know the end till death!
Till Thanatos appears in form and fumes humans into ashes.
If being oneself is a crime,
Then I am the sinner!
If trying to know causality and the self is a sin,
Then, pardon me, I am a bloody sufferer!
If pursuing passion is a crime,
Then, punish me, I am the selfish crack!
If knowing oneself and uplifting into a higher state
Is a path of deviance in your eyes,
Then, shit, I am the bloody deviant you should be charging on!
If learning and relearning seem a threat to you and
You go on spreading hatred,
Then, I will be the person always enlightened,
Preaching peace and comfort everywhere.
38. Depletion
I want to feel nature like I am the breeze flowing
above the hills and labyrinth violet skies!
I want to feel a part of you as if I am one of your
parts prolonged and protracted!
The reason I breathe is you,
I can feel the gentle breeze because of you.
You are an open grassy field,
I lie down like a grass finch,
I want to feel nature like I am the waves curving
sea up and down in symmetry,
I want to blow you into the wind and
waves of the sea,
Do you hear the sounds of the waves on the beach?
like we have kissed never before!
Ah, the combination of breeze and waves
is a fiery one
Can you imagine?!
Words are imagination,
Imaginations are ideas formed,
Ideas are thoughts-realization of the higher self!
I can love you is also a part of me undiscovered!
Now I know the reason!
Nothing is beyond reason!
You are my burning hope and the face in which
I want to see the curves of smiles and dimples,
They are the lightning pearls when you laugh,
I want to be that uttermost happiness in you!
You are my big nature!
I hustle and discover,
It grinded and depleted me into three parts
-mind, body, and soul!
What is mind without a soul?
What is a body without a mind?
And what is life without awareness of both?
I want to be your nature just like you are mine!
Reciprocity and duality of the universe let it flow, but
does not make us apart,
Let nature bring us closer!
I see you like a deep pit,
Never could I reach, and you see me likea mystery
Always undisclosed!
Discovery or invention, whatever it is-
I feel as if it is the only sensational truth!
I breathe for you because you are the reason
I am so alive, awakened, and true!
©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy
