After losing you,
I learned how silence can grow teeth—
How it can bite through a childhood
and leave no visible wound.
After losing you,
The house became a hallway of echoes,
Your voice folded into absence,
A door that never opened again.
A mug of coffee half sipped,
An envelop of tender letters unzipped,
Codes of silent words undrafted,
Poems of regrets unwritten,
A silhouette kept unwoven,
A heart left ingrafted,
An iceberg remains on top of the mountain intact – unaffected.
And, here you invaded in my life like an infection….
Lost in spiral of detachment and affection.
After losing you,
Love arrived like a promise
and left like a lesson—
Too quickly, too quietly,
Taking parts of me I didn’t yet know how to name.
And there were other losses
No one writes elegies for—
The body no longer mine in the way it once was,
Trust slipping like water through unready hands,
A girlhood interrupted mid-sentence.
I grew into a control freak now….
Trying to bend every corners to my favour like an expert framing armors.
Every detour spikes tension,
Each contour boils my blood and I label them red at the corner of my lips while sipping that toxic wine ounce by ounce.
I have built layers of shield….
Unbeatable.
Unshakable.
Unfathomably uncontrollable.
Vigilant as if a hawk looking for its prey long before it arrives.
As if a crocodile in exile waiting for apocalypse and crying for exodus like moses.
Instead I became a testament of time witnessing burns of losses,
Carrying the scars in my face-
The doomsday is written all over my face, my body and my mind…..I speak of destruction standing on the abyss,
I speak of eruptions that took us to debris.
I speak of disruptions that captured us,
We were born into it.
I speak of erasures that we have seen.
I became an archivist of fragments:
Collecting strength from ruins,
Learning to stitch myself
with threads no one could see.
Brick by brick,
Carefully laid…..
I rebuilt—
A life that stands,
A mind that reasons,
A voice that does not tremble
when it speaks of tomorrow and shows glory of morning.
Now I have everything
they once said I might never reach—
Rooms filled with light,
Doors that once were shut down are wide opened welcoming a future with a name.
And yet—
A flicker is enough.
A message at the wrong hour,
A tone that shifts too sharply,
A word like “last”
lands heavier than it should be.
Because somewhere in me lives the girl who learned that everything can vanish without warning,without reason…..Before time..Before its arrival…!
So I guard,
I question,
I trace patterns where none may exist—
Not because I am weak,
but because I have known
how much can be lost.
Still—
I stand here,
Not empty, not broken,
but composed.
And maybe healing is not the absence of fear,
but this—carrying it,
and choosing, again and again,
Not to disappear, but to appear stronger than ever…..ever any human has ever wished.
In the realms of heavens the sovereign nodded,
He handed me an envelop of love filled with mercy and apologies for my losses.
©® Farheen Akter Bhuian (Nancy)
Time stamp: 10.39 pm, Tagar, MIST,
7th april, 2026.