You know Adrian,
Why some people pushes away other people?!
They are afraid.
They are scared that the person in front of them might be too good,
Too good for them.
That they might terribly, utterly, despicably fall in love and lose themselves again.
The person is showing pure intentions and gentleness,
His gentle strokes and kind touches are reminding you of the tenderness –
That you earnestly wanted.
You were craving such innocence.
But, then you retreat.
You pull away.
You detach.
Why?!
Because, you remember last time how hardly you fell in love.
Sometimes, Adrian, you know you give chance to those whom you think you won’t love.
That’s why being with them is convenient.
And, see you can leave them too easily,
Because, from the very first place it was clear,
You won’t love them back,
They are below your standards.
So, you just casually have a fling with them.
But, again, there are few people who try but don’t understand casual love.
They go deeper.
They can’t relate to something superficial.
They don’t enjoy the surface level interactions.
And, real love?!
Oh my God, Adrian!!
You won’t be able to let them come close to you lest you are afraid,
That their affection will be too lethal, too addictive that you won’t be able to forget for decades.
That’s why you don’t let them come near you.
In real love, you know you cannot move,
You cannot even breath near them.
Your heart beats so fast that you almost forget they can hear you.
Hear your heart racing.
Beating for them.
In love you remember you can’t open the doors of hell that would burn them eternally in the fire of longing and desire.
You remember, once opened it will be irresistible, uncontrollable yet unattainable.
You remember it will be a torment for both of you.
So, you quietly disappear.
Quietly remove yourself.
And, quietly surrender to loneliness.
It’s easy to let people in with whom you are not in love, and harder to forget whom you do love.
You think you can get past of your love, but, it keeps returning.
Reminding you of your failure.
With more engagements, with more interactions,
You realize love at its first place is so rare.
The love that you get is unreal.
Because, people come to you with their fragments and you yourself throw out your fragments to them.
Partially anything can’t be whole.
Anything that is surfing on the surface will eventually dig deeper into the depths.
The depth that you were avoiding for so long.
The burials always uprises.
Rises with an uproar.
Every interaction reminds you how love and intentions go side by side.
You cannot love someone deeply unless you have pure intentions.
The intention not to pluck the flower but still keep admiring it, let it bloom.
Love is to be felt, not to be delt.
When you over rationalize love, it fades.
The dried flowers in the vase are the reflection of the ruthless love that you had-
They have died mercilessly,
So is love when calculated.
©® Farheen Akter Bhuian Nancy
Timeframe: 10.40 am, Officer’s mess