Your love was always ambiguous –

Not building me nor destroying me entirely, 

Your love was always ambiguous –

A double edged sword-

Neither did it cut me or let me live, 

Your ambiguous love-

Gave me gaze that pierced through my heart and left it open to decay on its own-

An open heart surgery –

Where flies were allowed!

You let me open-

Crack open like a swoon-

A woven wool soon to be unwoven-

Declared to be a pawn, 

At stake on a street to be devoured!

Your ambiguous love tore me apart-

But, never let me scatter-

A scarlet letter fully written with blood and sweats of savoury history crafted meekly- all alone!

You were the script writer,

The pen was in your hand-

You held the power to move my character –

To build it or fade it, 

You did your best to deform me but could not erase! 

Now, the pen is in my hand, 

I write my own story on my own conditions, 

I own the narratives-

Your perspectives does not matter anymore-

Cause what best lesson can you give me except of the philosophy of ambiguity?! 

Readers and fans, 

Read me like a story book but do not try to reach me, 

Do not try to come close to me, I am afraid of exposure, 

I am afraid to be vulnerable in your minds and in your hearts- where you can see me beyond the heavily crafted wavy words, 

You can see my weary life that I wear with a pride, 

My pride will be shattered then,

Cause I can see the pity in your eyes for me,

Don’t lay me bare open in your mind-

Do not come close to the conclusion that I do not want to write, 

I do not want to be understood, 

Do not read me or my books, 

Cause, I despair the ‘ambiguity ‘ within me-

That I was inherited from! 

©® Farheen Bhuiyan Nancy 

Time Frame: 1.22 am, Midnight, Mirpur Cantonment.